Then God and His Staff Sort of Created February | by Talia Argondezzi | Feb, 2024 – Jarastyle

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Mike was on Gabe’s last nerve.

Gabe wanted twelve thirty-day months with a five-day holiday at the end; Mike said that was boring. Gabe wanted each month to have five chunks of six days each; Mike said that was “weak.” Eventually, Gabe just wanted to get the fuck out of this conference room at call it a day, so he consented to Mike’s ridiculous suggestion that some months be thirty days, some thirty-one, and one just randomly either twenty-eight or twenty-nine.

Gabe suggested they number them, call them First Month, Second Month, and so on. Mike said that was boring too.

“Fine!” Gabe said. “We number them but use the Latin roots. The seventh month could be ‘September,’ for example.”

“Or? Or? Maybe the ninth one could be named after the Latin root for ‘seven’? Make September the ninth month?”

Gabe thought that sounded unnecessarily confusing, but Mike insisted, “It’s quirky! It’s whimsical! Everyone will love it. End the year on December, from the Latin for ‘ten’ — but it’s the twelfth month.”

Gabe sighed. “Fine,” he consented. “Are we done here?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t want all the months to be named after the numbers. We’ll name some of them after regular words.”

“Why?” Gabe said.

“Because it’s fucking brilliant! I love auxiliary verbs, so how about the word ‘may’?”

Gabe nodded, defeated.

Mike continued, “And even it out with an action verb. ‘March.’ And the next one could be — ”

“‘Mack’?”

“Is that a joke, Gabe? I was about to say ‘august.’ But stress on the first syllable, not the second.”

Gabe nodded again.

“Also, one month’s name should be completely off the wall,” Mike said.

Gabe nodded.

Mike said slowly, “Feb-ru-ary. With a silent R after the B.”

Gabe had had enough. “February? February? Goddamn it, Mike! Goddamn it all to hell.”



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