Reasons Why I, A Millennial, Am Not Having Children | by Sarah Gardner | Jan, 2024 – Jarastyle

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I love avocado toast and six-dollar lattes more than I could ever love a child.

Sarah GardnerThe Belladonna Comedy

Photo by Maddie Bazzocco on Unsplash

There is no participation trophy for having children.

I am very vain and my selfies will not look as good if there are children in the background.

I may want to go back to get another advanced degree in Art History or Culinary Anthropology before I start popping out babies.

Supporting a family may weigh down my ability to practice my honored tradition of hopping from job to job with agility.

If I have a child that looks like me, it might shatter my perception that I am as unique and delicate as a snowflake.

I’d have to move out of my parents’ house.

If I have babies, I won’t have time for my hobbies that I’m turning into side hustles.

I believe in socialism, so truly, all the children are my children, comrade.


My four part time jobs don’t provide parental leave.

I’m too busy “killing” cereal, department stores, and napkins to create something new like a baby.

People might stop asking me, “When are you having children?” And then what would we talk about at parties?

I love avocado toast and six-dollar lattes more than I could ever love a child.

But also, I don’t want to.

Sarah Gardner lives in the middle of the United States. Her writing has appeared in Slackjaw, Points in Case, and cocktail napkins that have been run through the wash. Find her on instagram @s_a_gardner and on her couch with a cat in her lap.


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