We Spent $1M Studying What It Would Take to Get Workers Back to the Office. It’s the Ability to Defecate Alone. | by Paulette Perhach | Feb, 2024 – Jarastyle



Finally, our nation-wide, multi-year study has revealed the answer to the $1.3 trillion question: What will entice the workforce back to corporate spaces?

Paulette PerhachThe Belladonna ComedyPhoto by Ananaline on Adobe Stock

In our exhaustive nationwide needs assessment, we found that more than 97% of workers extrude bodily waste. Surprisingly, they prefer to execute this expulsive action, herein referred to as “the process,” without the company of their fellow team members.

Attempts to contain the process currently take place in a shared room. Not unlike a meeting room, it includes metal or plastic divides to create individual areas, like cubicles. Our meta-analysis uncovered disadvantages to this setup where the process is concerned, leading to olfactory, auditory, and visual predicaments.

The process, our researchers ascertained, involves the release of volatile organic compounds, as well as nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and odoriferous methane. Coworkers, who, in the current implementation, may be located as close as three feet away, often find these unsavory. Previous investigations missed that the panels covering 58” of vertical space around the individual fail to contain these gasses, causing damage to interpersonal relationships among colleagues.

The audible element manifests in two areas: the exit of solid compounds from the human resource and the entrance into the water surface of the receptacle below. In fact, the acoustically reflective stalls create what our sound engineers came to refer to as an “echo chamber.”

The release causes an associated orifice threshold vibration at 5 to 20 Hz, producing sounds at 65 to 90 dB that are uniquely identifiable to the process. Attempts to conceal this sound by flushing the toilet waste 1.6 gallons of water, while only reaching 75 dB.

Using state-of-the-art sound level meters as well as olfactometers, we ascertained that the stalls contain the auditory and olfactory elements by a mere .0000016%.

Nearly 80% of stakeholders flagged a particular concern: that the degree to which they have engaged in the process is identifiable by the number of flushes the process may require. Process shame begins at two flushes, and compounds with each additional effort to clear the area of process evidence.

Visually, the process cubicles provide identifying markings for those engaged in said process via a cross-correlation of their footwear with aforementioned process indicators.

More urgently, the half-inch gap between the stall elements creates a risk factor of eye contact with passersby mid-process. According to our focus groups, this creates an uncomfortable work environment. Forty-nine percent of the 15,234 survey respondents stated they had resigned, at least once, due to a process-related interpersonal incident.

Fiscal incentives for a disruption in the current design emerged from our study, as our assessment quantified a significant waste of resources associated with the process environment as it stands.

Encountering a defecation mist can lead to a marked decrease in focus for at least 47 minutes, as the receiver engages in detection activities, attempting to deduce the human source, often to the distraction of at least one fellow employee.

Up to 28.5% of daily productivity is lost as employees periodically monitor the bathroom, hoping to find it vacant, and, upon encountering another employee, waste water by simulating a situation in which the need to wash their hands predicated their entrance.

When a team member enters the bathroom as a fellow employee is engaged in the process, the mid-process employee may pause the proceedings until after that person exits, extending this non-productive time, which workers may utilize for personal errands or entertainment via a smartphone. Thirty-two percent of employees surveyed indicated that their supervisor engaged them in conversations in these rooms, leading to higher turnover.

A third of workers stated they avoid using the facilities altogether. This subset may lose focus due to gastrointestinal distraction, leave the premises to find alternative facilities at Starbucks, or even end their work day early.

Employees also mentioned they’d like a better place to cry.

In the final stages of our recommendations, we had our architects dream up a solution, innovating an enclosed process containment unit, a door that reached the floor and shuts into a frame, with walls that fully surround the process participant and rise to a ceiling.

Only while applying for a patent for this design were we informed that this concept already exists. Digging deeper, we found they even have current implementations in a commercial environment, but solely in the areas of executive offices. We therefore suggest a roadmap for companies that want workers to return: that they extend this design to the people in the rest of the building.

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Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/we-spent-1m-studying-what-it-would-take-to-get-workers-back-to-the-office-764589ef6760?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4