Thank You For Your Application, But We’ve Decided To Go In Another Direction | by Jill Bennett | Nov, 2023 – Jarastyle

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I don’t think I could even be in the same room with you ever again after this.

Jill BennettThe Belladonna Comedy

Photo by inside-studio from iStock

Dear Samantha,

First off, I just wanted to take the time to thank you for meeting with me on Monday to interview for the Marketing Assistant position. It was a pleasure getting to know you and learn all about your impressive body of work, something that you should be very proud of.

After careful consideration, we have chosen to move forward with another candidate. However, I’d like to offer some feedback so you can better understand our decision to go in a different direction.

When you’re in a 45-minute interview with a potential employer, it’s recommended that you let them know when they have a big piece of basil stuck between their two front teeth. You could even go as far as to say that the outcome of the interview depends on you telling them they have a big piece of basil stuck between their two front teeth.

Now, I know your first defense will be a polite “oh wow! I didn’t even notice that!” but unfortunately, I don’t buy it. In an effort to appear approachable and warm, I smiled frequently throughout that interview. A lot more than I do on a regular basis. And, in retrospect I did notice that your gaze was rather fixated on my mouth the whole time. I thought it might be because I recently shaved my mustache of 25 years and have been thinking my face looks weird without it. In fact, I spent the whole time wondering if you could see the ghost of my mustache or that there was something ‘missing’ from my face. But after our interview when I went into an annual employee evaluation, my direct report Josephine noticed the basil right away and graciously pointed it out. It was at that moment I knew you wouldn’t be a good fit.

Normally, I don’t consume vegetables at lunch. I eat my Uncrustables and Kit Kat bar at my desk, which don’t get stuck in my teeth and lead to this type of humiliation. But on this particular day, our VP of marketing wanted to go to Ristorante Brazziano (his treat) and I couldn’t say no. I’ve been on thin ice with him recently because of that thing that happened with his boxer shorts on the company retreat. And technically, he has the power to fire me at any moment. So, I try to stay on his good side and go for lunch or play golf whenever he wants to, even if my son has a baseball game that night.

That day I nearly made the sensible decision and ordered the spaghetti pomodoro, but at the last minute I said “I’ll have what he’s having” in an effort to show him my respect and wound up with a caprese salad. I don’t normally do dairy because it tends to make my asshole fall clean off my body, but like I said, I’m on thin ice. He ended up having to leave just after the food got there, something about “putting out a fire on the home front”, so I had to eat both salads, which means double the basil (and double the dairy). It was in that frenzy of eating two full caprese salads that half a leaf of basil became lodged between my two front teeth. And that was ultimately the nail in the coffin for you.

To sit with a potential employer for a full 45 minutes and not have the courtesy to tell them they have half a leaf of basil stuck between their two teeth — that is borderline diabolical. How do I know you won’t sabotage me in the future by telling me an idea is good when it stinks like hot garbage? There’s no way I could trust you to tell me the truth, even if it means hurting my feelings. Plus, it’s really embarrassing to know that you saw me in such a vulnerable position right from the get-go. I don’t think I could even be in the same room with you ever again after this.

So, thank you again for your application, but I’m afraid it won’t be a good fit for us at this time.

All the best in your future endeavors,

Greg Connors

Director of Marketing


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