[ad_1]
Sir Isaac Newton: the father of pee-pees and poo-poos
Photo by Ignacio Campo on Unsplash
A clean diaper at rest remains at rest, though not for long.
A messy diaper at rest remains at rest, unless an unbearable stench permeates the room or an ear-piercing shriek is heard, either demanding an immediate change.
A baby in motion remains in motion as they wriggle on the changing table, refusing to sit still.
A parent in motion propels their motion when they discover they’re out of diaper wipes after an ill-timed removal of a poopy diaper.
The acceleration of the baby’s flailing limbs is inversely proportional to the measly amount of force the changing pad’s strap applies and the degree of parental exhaustion.
The acceleration of baby poo depends on the mass of milk consumed and the force of their tiny sphincter, which they are overeagerly learning to use.
Whenever one outfit is soiled, the second outfit which is clean becomes stained as well.
The soiling of outfits continues in a perpetual loop, until all clean outfits have been depleted, or the parent simply has given up on their pursuit of maintaining infant cleanliness.
Whenever a new color of excretion is produced, the parent reacts with a panicked Google search, “is [blue] poop normal?”
This concern may also lead to grandparental causation: a phenomenon that occurs when grandparents overshare the details of the various sizes, shapes, and colors of poo-poos encountered long ago.
When applying diaper cream to a baby’s bottom, the bottom exerts an equal and opposite explosively filthy force.
This explosively filthy force exerts an equal and emotional reaction from the parent, who most likely was getting ready to leave the house and will now be late for work.
Gravity dictates that when a stream of urine projectiles across the nursery, it will most definitely hit the only stack of clean, folded laundry in the house.
The mass of a diaper blowout acts upon every nearby surface — your hands, the baby’s hands, the wall, the floor vents, and in between the thin seams of your changing table, where they will dry up and remain long after your baby has graduated college.
Nat Hrvatin is is a writer from Cleveland, Ohio, who is probably right now begging her baby to stay still for the duration of a diaper change. Her work has appeared in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and others. Find her on Twitter and Instagram as @NatHrvatin, or at nathrvatin.com.
More from Nat on The Belladonna:
[ad_2]
Source link
Jarastyle – #Newtons #Laws #Diaper #Sir #Isaac #Newton #father #Nat #Hrvatin #Jul
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/newtons-laws-of-diaper-changes-ac6630e65e0a?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4