Myths About Cat Ladies I’ll Debunk Using My Experiences as a Cat Lady. | by Susan Sassi | May, 2023 – Jarastyle

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All cats mentioned consented to the information shared and signed the proper release forms.

Susan SassiThe Belladonna Comedy

Photo by Veronika Homchis on Unsplash

MYTH: I don’t have a life.

TRUTH: I’ll have you know, that last night I went to bed late. I didn’t hit the pillow until 8 pm. If you don’t believe me, you can verify this with Henrietta Meo Meow.

MYTH: I have too many cats.

TRUTH: This is ridiculous. How can I know if I have too many cats if I don’t know how many cats I have?

MYTH: My house smells awful.

TRUTH: My house doesn’t smell bad if I change the litter box every few days. And I don’t mind changing all twenty-five of them daily.

MYTH: I’m alone and have no friends.

TRUTH: Everyone knows I have a very active social life. Last week I threw a party, I had too many guests, and it was epic. It was Liam Fleeson’s birthday and the guests were all cats.

MYTH: I am just like Carol Baskin.

TRUTH: I’m frankly offended by this. The only reason anyone should have a giant CAT is if it’s a CATerpillar truck to carry all the normal-size cats.

MYTH: I’m always covered in fur and don’t care about my appearance.

TRUTH: Excuse me, It’s not fur, it’s an accessory. I’ll thank you not to criticize my fashion choices.

MYTH: I can’t have nice things.

TRUTH: Of course, I can have nice things. I fall asleep every night under a warm, silky, blanket. What’s not nice about that? The blanket is a pile of my sleeping cats.

MYTH: My house is full of cat hair.

TRUTH: Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard this stereotype, I’d be able to afford five more cats. I’ll have you know my house is cat hair free. I clean up the hair hourly and use it to make clothing.

MYTH: Every single room in my house is covered in inconceivable amounts of cat hair and no matter how much I clean, there is still hair.

TRUTH: What part of I clean up the hair and use it to make clothes, don’t you understand? And it’s really paid off. I have the only PETA-approved fur coat.

MYTH: It’s hard for me to find a date because guys are turned off by a woman who has cats.

TRUTH: Listen, it’s not hard for me to find a date because I don’t spend any effort trying to find one. I don’t have the time. I’m too busy collecting all the fur and cleaning 25 litter boxes. But still, always give me a plus one for your parties. The Earl of Cuddles is very social.

MYTH: I have to worry about dying alone because the cats will eat my dead body.

TRUTH: First of all, everyone dies alone. And I don’t worry about my cats eating my dead body. That’s silly. I’m happy to provide life-saving sustenance for my cats for months to come. In fact, it’s a stipulation in my will under how to dispose of my body.

MYTH: I’m crazy.

TRUTH: Crazy is the patriarchy’s way of keeping people from listening to women. I take very good care of my mental health. I go to therapy every week on Fridays after I’m done breastfeeding my cats.

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