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The electric Tesla Hostility culls the poor and guarantees the rich survive!
Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash
This is the sleek, electric sports car of your dreams, designed for you and no one else because you lost all your friends by talking about the Hostility’s every feature every time you gave them a ride.
Tesla’s Hostility has all the outward appearance of a car for the people, made to ensure no one thinks to guillotine the rich when they see you driving! Slide into the plastic seats taken from retired subway cars. The plebeians don’t need them, public transit is dying! The unique, Twitter-blue color will trick commoners into thinking you’re failing even as you manipulate the stock market. Basically, the Tesla Hostility is an optical illusion, a Honda Civic look-alike that keeps the middle class from cottoning on to your net worth. You’re one of the people now, King!
And Tesla knows that underneath the facade of blue collar norm-core beats the heart of a vicious capitalist. The Hostility’s features speak to your entitlement, like the new “I Own Everything” parking enhancement! The car’s front and rear bumpers are reinforced with steel from SpaceX rocket ships, so you don’t have to spend time maneuvering into a tiny parking spot. Just ram into any car, up to eight cars, using Tesla’s proprietary Self Driving Because-You’re-On-a-Very-Important-Phone-Call-That-You-Definitely-Need-to-Use-Your-Hands-For Autopilot and take the spot you want. You deserve it!
The Tesla Hostility also caters to your blood lust, foregoing keys and turning on when it senses you’re ready to commit violence. And instead of the crippling silence of your own thoughts that usually accompanies electric car ignition, you’ll know the Hostility is running when you hear the whisper of “kill the poor, tear them to shreds, and use them for parts’’ underneath a recording of a Porsche engine.
Never worry about stopping for gas again! The Tesla Hostility runs on the bodies of the pedestrians you’ll inevitably hit. Your Hostility has a scoop feature that collects the carcasses of your victims and grinds up their bodies for fuel. This car runs just like capitalism, also ensuring that the bourgeoisie ride smoothly along the backs of the proletariat. How long you drive is up to you!
Tesla is committed to the planet, both in decreasing consumers’ fossil fuel usage and by curing Earth’s overpopulation problem. The electric Tesla Hostility culls the poor and guarantees the rich survive. It’s the car of our quickly deteriorating, dystopian future. Drive the Hostility into the apocalypse today!
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Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/meet-the-new-tesla-hostility-68be6814523?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4