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I’m in the 11th grade. I dated a guy in my school, and it went pretty well for some months, but after that we had a lot of fights and misunderstandings, and I let his secret out. So, he wanted to break up with me. I was really sorry and asked for forgiveness multiple times. I realised my mistake; that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done that. I really liked him, although I’m not sure whether it was love. After the break-up I became really weak mentally and physically. I’ve always been the strong one who’s ready to face any kind of struggle. I’m the kind of person who thinks that crying in front of people makes one seem weak. I never cry in school, but these days I cry without any reason; I start crying and hugging my best friend. I know I’m not a good person, but I know I’m not a bad one either. I wish he would forgive me, but now it’s all gone. I wish someone would read this and realise it’s me and would give me a long hug and say, “it’ll be alright”. I see him moving around happily, and I’m happy to see him happy. I am angry at myself for doing such a cheap thing. I constantly have suicidal thoughts these days and have frequent panic attacks. I overthink everything and I feel like worms have entered my heart and someone is screaming inside my head. I feel very bad for doing such a thing and also to lose someone I really liked. What should I do to get out of this?
G. (16)
First, you need to admit that you have knowingly or annoyingly made a mistake. Secondly, it is important for you to decide how you would want to deal with the current situation in a better manner. You have mentioned that you have already tried to apologise but your ex-boyfriend has not acknowledged the same. Try and apologise to him again. Maybe you can write him a note telling him how sorry you are about what has happened. Every person and situation needs time to heal properly. This will also heal over time. Now, you may experience feelings of anger, stress, low moods, irritability and frustration. This may cause you to think in a very negative manner about your life. At this point you are hurt, and you have also hurt someone else. Profusely apologising may help you to reduce your guilt and also help the other person realise that you are genuinely apologetic. It is important for you to try and find solace in a close friend who understands your situation and is available to hear you out at most times. If you feel that over time your symptoms do not change, and you still feel extremely low, it is very important for you to seek help by consulting a mental health professional. Give yourself time, not all things happen at the pace at which we would like. Over time, your ex-boyfriend would also feel more stable about the emotions that he is experiencing. Do not take any harsh steps that you would regret later in life. Also, remember to not repeat the same mistake again.
Dr Alisha Lalljee is a Psychologist (M.A.), Special Educator (M.Ed) and Psychotherapist. She holds an MBA in clinical research and hospital management. Visit her website www.alishalalljee.com
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Courtesy : https://theteenagertoday.com/im-not-sure-whether-it-was-love/