I’m not the problem; it’s not me.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels
I don’t know why anyone would make a child from scratch, cook it for nine months, and go through the process of passing them through the birth canal. Literally everything about this seems excessive. Did not attempt but rated it a big thumbs down.
I really loved Old Yeller, but instead of reading it, I drew a picture of a dog, colored it with a highlighter (yellow), and then tore it up. Super emotionally satisfying. I don’t get why people hate the ending?
Wow, this crown reseating procedure was awful. DO NOT GET YOUR CROWN RESEATED! I didn’t have time to see my dentist so my neighbor used rubber cement to affix a dried cannellini bean on top of my filling, and let me tell you, whoever invented crown reseating did not know what they were doing! 0 out of 5 stars!!
Surprised that people said their jobs as tenure-track faculty in English didn’t turn out! My suggestions: invest in a really good set of PhDs (put it on the wedding registry!) and then publish, publish, publish — really churn it out. If it doesn’t taste right after about twenty years, add a splash of rum.
This corn silo had too much corn in it. I wanted corn but not a lot of corn. This silo felt like it was just a receptacle for storing corn.
This was so good with a few substitutions. Instead of visiting my in-laws with my family in Harrisburg, I flew first-class to Malibu (solo). Temperature is super important, so remember: be at about 80 degrees in California for a week (by yourself), not 50 degrees in Pennsylvania for two weeks (with your sister-in-law and her ridiculously annoying twins). Makes a big difference!
Because I’m trying to limit my intake of national parks, I stuck firecrackers inside of my child’s plaster science fair volcano. It was smoky, but I don’t know if I’d call it “Great Smoky?” Mountain was also a bit of an overstatement.
Rachel Mans McKenny has been published in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, the New York Times, Elle Magazine, and the comments section of NYTimes Cooking, where she spends a majority of her free time. She has a novel, and posts on Threads and Instagram.
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