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I was in a relationship with a guy for more than a year. Things were well between us; our parents supported us, and we went on many dates together. Recently, we went on a school trip together; there he started ignoring me. One night, he told me that he is not sure if he wants to continue or not, the main reason being that these days we did not get much time to talk to each other because our sections got separated, and he was quite sad. I gave him time to think about it. When we came home, I asked him to tell me the truth, and he said that he liked someone else the week before his birthday because she talked to him in class and gave him attention, and he was happy. For me, that was cheating. I could not handle the truth and asked for a break-up. He told me I was overreacting and sensitive, and should be a better girlfriend and listen to his thoughts. The problem here was that he is a student who side by side studies for engineering at a very young age. So, for one year I used to wait for his messages till late at night so we could talk, and I personally sacrificed a lot for him so he could be happy. This year, when I was busy for 2-3 months, he couldn’t handle the loneliness. He was changing his story, that he did not like that girl. After a few months, we became friends again. I gave him a second chance, but he said that he cannot since he has changed. He acts very friendly, but is a coward to admit his feelings. My heart was broken by all this, he cannot commit or decide a single thing; he is in confusion. There are some chances he might come around in the future. What should I do then?
I. S. (14)
Dear I.S., I admire the maturity in which you have managed your relationship so far. It is honestly admirable that you have waited and had the patience to hear out another person too. I appreciate how you have penned out these details. During the course of our life we will meet a lot of people. The tendency of developing an affection does exist. I understand your apprehension, however I want you to also understand that certain things are always going to be beyond your control. I respect the fact that your friend has been courageous enough to tell you that he has developed feelings for someone else. Let me also tell you that a lot of people go through this but very few actually admit this and in fact keep their partners waiting. Since you have waited and given this an attempt again, yet see that he doesn’t feel the same, I don’t think it makes sense to wait further. We cannot predict the future, I agree, but how sure are you that you won’t find someone better than him? This relationship isn’t a one-sided affair, your say manners too. If you feel you are not getting the love and care that you deserve you have an equal say to convey your point and move on. If you feel that staying friends gives you hope I suggest you take a brief breather from that too and try to explore the world around you, without him.
Dr Alisha Lalljee is a Psychologist (M.A.), Special Educator (M.Ed) and Psychotherapist. She holds an MBA in Clinical Research and Hospital Management.
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Courtesy : https://theteenagertoday.com/i-gave-him-a-second-chance/