[ad_1]
And don’t think for a second our cans are slender and easy to store in your fridge door.
Photo by Elevate on Pexels
Clydesdales. The men of horses. Horses. By men. For men. Hooves that could crush you to death. Genitals so big they remind you of your own. When Clydesdales were the face of Budweiser, there was no room to question that this beer was for you, a man, to drink. But now, Anheuser-Busch might as well have gone and taped unicorn horns to the heads of those Clydesdales in just another futile attempt to get us to drink rainbows instead of piss.
What happened to beer for men? And by men, I mean the ones that “real” women are scared of!
Introducing: Feer. It’s like beer, but with an F. Because F those woke snowflakes trying to take our things! We packed in all the flavors that real men crave. Like dirt! And sweat! And for someone to say “I actually don’t care if you leave your socks in the entryway. I love picking up after you. Can I give you a blow job?”
We brew our craft Feer in a steam fired kettle that we heat up by getting Darrel’s nieces, who are all super hot and home for the summer from TCU, to hula dance in the vicinity of it. Feer sits at an ABV of 75% making it the strongest beer in the world. But it’s also for the strongest men in the world. So it evens things out.
Here at Feer, we don’t add hops to our beers. Why? Because bunnies hop. And bunnies aren’t for men. They’re for chicks on Halloween and scaring six year olds at the mall. Here at Feer, we add stomps. Hops:Bunnies::Stomps:Men. And boy oh boy do they make things bitter. If you’re looking for flavors like blueberry or elderflower or god forbid chai, head on over to your local Girly Pearly Beer Shop because you won’t find that here! And we’ll shake on that! Like men! Here at Feer, we infuse our beer with bullets. Sometimes we’ll even leave a few loose in the bottle, just in case your supply is low from taking out all those Bud Light cans.
And don’t think for a second our cans are slender and easy to store in your fridge door. No way. At Feer, our cans are four times the circumference of a regular sized beer can, and if your hand’s not big enough to hold our beers maybe you should go join your neighborhood girl scout troop and paint cat whiskers on eachother’s faces.
You won’t find our beers sold by the pack. We sell our beers individually. Sharing is for slumber parties and communists. A real man drinks by himself, after he’s shoved everyone who’s ever cared about him out of his life completely by plugging his ears to any insight that threatens his worldview and saying “Shh, babe. Tucker Carlson is on.”
Feer. It’s finally our turn to taste it.
[ad_2]
Source link
Jarastyle – #Finally #Beer #Men #dont #cans #Aria #Braswell
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/finally-a-beer-for-men-b367e3d1021e?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4