Exploitation Magazine is Looking For New Objects of Public Scorn | by Sara Levine | Feb, 2024 – Jarastyle



Mine the depths of the thoughts that keep you up at night for $50 and the chance to receive death threats!

Sara LevineThe Belladonna ComedyPhoto by Christin Hume on Unsplash

Thank you for your interest in submitting to Exploitation magazine!

We are currently accepting personal essays from naive aspiring writers who are ready and willing to excavate the most deeply embarrassing and unflattering things that have ever happened to them. Have you ever developed a romantic and, eventually, sexual relationship with the ghost that haunts your attic? When’s the last time you sharted in public? Did you say “thanks, you too” when the person checking you in at the gym told you to enjoy your workout? We want to hear from you!

We’re interested in telling poignant stories about something that happened to you or to someone you know, but you’ve heard the story so many times that it feels like you were there, and you’re an empath anyway so it’s your trauma as well. These essays should be extremely personal — if the reader isn’t asking themselves, “Did I really need to know that?” and “Wait, isn’t this a HIPAA violation?” then you haven’t gone far enough — and should speak to some immutable aspect of the human experience. (Think: greed, pride, lust, or any other of the deadly sins; plus, the sins that are harmful but not fatal, such as being annoying, trying way too hard, foolishness, and clownery.)

Not sure if your idea’s the right fit? Consider the following questions:

  • Does the shame of it burn so intensely that you have to sleep with the air conditioner on?
  • Have you ever written this anecdote down in a diary, then shredded said diary and eaten the scraps, just to be safe?
  • Would your parents take you off the inheritance if they read it on the internet? (Note: If you’re looking to submit to our personal finance column, What Got Me Written Out of the Will, click here.)

Some of our most successful essays have included:

I Said the Wrong Person’s Name During My Wedding Vows; Thankfully, It Was Before the Age of Social Media

I’m a Safety Inspector at Boeing. Here Are All the Lies I Told On My Resume to Get the Gig.

My Therapist Fired Me Because I Refused to Do Any Real Work On My Victim Complex, and She Was So Wrong for That

What Seeing My Then-Best Friend Falling on Her Face While Crossing the Stage at Graduation Taught Me About Perseverance (and Buying Better Shoes)

The authors of these and other submissions have gone on to defend their humanity on Call Her Daddy and even move to the woods.

Think you’ve got what it takes to make the next viral hate-read? Email us your submission to maincharacter@exploitationmag.com with the subject line: ESSAY: and then an attention-grabbing headline for your essay. Be sure to include your full name and social media handles so internet users know where to subtweet you after publication. Your profiles must be active and able to receive vitriol (which may require a premium subscription to X).

Please note: This is not the place to submit for Unhinged Rants, Should You Really Be Posting That?, or I’m Not Supposed to Tell Anyone This, But….

If your submission is accepted, you’ll receive $50 (paid via UberEats gift card) and at least ten death threats per day for as long as your piece is at the forefront of the internet discourse! Once accepted, we do not remove posts or change bylines. The internet is forever, but a free meal is priceless!

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