Congrats on Turning 70, You Can Now Legally Do Whatever the Hell You Want | by LOIS BROMFIELD | Jan, 2024 – Jarastyle



You have 70 years of things that piss you off. Be fierce.

LOIS BROMFIELDThe Belladonna ComedyImage by RDNE on Pexels

You’re Seventy!

Happy Birthday!!

Everyone is clapping as the room goes dark. You blow out 70 candles on this HUGE cake — -trying to spot the asshole who thought cramming 70 candles on the cake was a fun idea. It must have been a bratty little niece or nephew. Never invite kids to a party, they wreck everything!

The cake is the highlight of the celebration, you stuff an entire wedge in your mouth. Your older friends might join in but your kids — -if you have any will worry you might choke.

Once you have everyone’s attention gulp down a big fat glass of wine. You’re old. You can be a pig. You’ve earned it. Eat like it’s a contest. You’re finally free of all the arbitrary etiquette that kept you from really enjoying food or booze.

Toss all manners out the window. You never have to say excuse me again. Now you can fart in public and people will smile.

You’re slowly becoming invisible. Unless you fall under a bus or set yourself on fire, no one sees you! It’s time to act up, be loud, flip out. its cathartic, don’t let anyone push you around.

You’re going to die soon, so live it up be a total ass!

An old person acting up in public is terrifying, people will scatter fearing that you might pull your shirt over your head, or say fuck, which you rarely hear old people say.

For some reason society expects you to suddenly be polite when you reach a certain age. Are you kidding me? You have 70 years of things that piss you off.

Be fierce. Rant like there’s no tomorrow because it might be true. Have fun scaring people.

Shop for lingerie, then ask if they have any bras in black leather? Go into a sex shop, grab a large dildo then ask if you can try it on?

When you’re stuck in a long line, walk to the front and if someone says something tell them to fuck off then stare them down until THEY apologize.

You’re 70. And it’s not the new 50. It’s 70!

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