[ad_1]
This recipe is perfect for any occasion, as long as that occasion includes a minimum of four hours prep time.
Photo by Tim Douglas from Pexels
Yum, it’s garlic season! By which I mean it’s any day of any month of the year, since the U.S. produces 400 million pounds of garlic annually and produce “seasons” are an idea from a bygone past before the majority of the nation’s food was produced by commercial greenhouses in middle California. But you don’t care about that — you care about getting dinner on the table!
For the blog this week, I decided to take advantage of food industrialization by making a roast chicken that includes — count ‘em! — forty cloves of garlic. Yes, you read that right — forty whole cloves of garlic, an indecent amount that should not be used in every meal for a week, let alone one single dinner. However, because garlic costs like two cents a head, I stared at the Kroger display this past week and thought, “Why not?” I love to buy things! I hope you enjoy this chicken as much as I will lie and say my family did.
I make this recipe whenever I’m craving something delicious and complicated. It includes oodles of unnecessary preparation that are sure to make your husband say, “Oh, really? There’s 40 cloves of garlic in this? I didn’t even notice.” With twenty times the recommended amount of garlic adding no extra flavor at all, this recipe is perfect for any occasion, as long as that occasion includes a minimum of four hours prep time. Plus you can make it from things you already have in your pantry, as long as you’re a garlic farmer, doomsday prepper, and/or vampire hunter.
Other than garlic, this is also going to call for about fifty different seasonings, including one that you will buy, use one teaspoon of, and then never use again. But then you’ll have it! And there’s nothing better than having things. God, I love having things.
First, you’re going to need to prepare your space. This is going to take your entire kitchen, so make sure you get rid of anything taking up unnecessary room, like table settings or your children. Then take out every pan you own — they’re all going to get dirty. Now peel a clove of garlic. Are your fingers dirty? Are they nice and sticky? Perfect! Time to peel thirty-nine more cloves of garlic.
If you’re having hesitations about this recipe, perhaps because adding two cloves of minced garlic would achieve the exact same garlicky effect as forty whole ones, may I just say to you: more is more. After all, how else to break the monotony of everyday life than by indulging in a little treat? And by “treat” I mean garlic, and by “little” I mean forty cloves.
Look, I get it. This sounds insane, but that’s because it is. You may ask: why did I even decide to use so much garlic? Because garlic is cheap? Because buying forty things releases forty times more serotonin than buying one? Because I want to challenge God? I’ll tell you why: because I can. And you can too.
Use forty cloves of garlic in one meal, because you can. Scroll Instagram while listening to the news, so every sense is engaged. Buy a TV with one click, get it delivered same-day. I have a TV in every room. I cannot use the toilet unless I’m watching The Price Is Right. Consumption is the only thing that brings me even a fleeting moment of joy. Excess is proof I am alive. Come on, you gluttonous fuck. Make this chicken. I bet you’ve got a sick fascination with it. I bet this recipe is accessing that same part of your brain that stops at car crashes. I bet you’re getting a twisted little thrill out of the idea of wasting so much garlic on this single roast chicken. I bet you’re wondering, “Should I really do that?” Yes, you should; but more importantly, you can. Do it. Consume. Consume. Want to know a secret? I don’t even like garlic.
Oops! Haha sorry, I just blacked out for a second. Anyway, below is the recipe with full instructions. I hope you read this little prologue, but I know you definitely scrolled right past it. That’s okay, I make money from link clicks so my personal thoughts don’t actually matter at all. Before you get cooking, I’ll just leave you with one final quote that really struck me: “What consumerism really is, at its worst, is getting people to buy things that don’t actually improve their lives.” So true! Jeff Bezos said that. And don’t forget to subscribe to the email list — next week I’m posting my recipe for turducken. That’s so much poultry! Yum!
[ad_2]
Source link
Jarastyle – #Indulge #Gluttonous #Excesses #Modernity #Recipe #40Clove #Garlic #Chicken #Samantha #Lee #Apr
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/come-indulge-in-the-gluttonous-excesses-of-modernity-with-this-recipe-for-40-clove-garlic-chicken-2087ad64fafa?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4