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No expense is spared in us squeezing you, the customer, out of more money
Photo: Longxiang Qian|Pexels
At Connected Airlines, we understand the frustration many customers are facing with airlines, particularly with regards to high prices and hidden fees for uncomfortable flights. We want you to know that we see you, we hear your concerns, and we have decided to disregard them completely.
We’re excited to unveil a new Economy Minus (TM) option — the “same” experience of a standard Economy flight, for the same price of an Economy flight, but with everything standard taken away.
We’ve found that most guests prefer to fly in a window or aisle seat. We’ve listened to our guests — and have decided to take away what people want most. We’ve teamed up with Boeing to bend the law of physics by making every seat in our Economy Minus section somehow a middle seat.
No expense is spared in us squeezing you, the customer, out of more money.
Our seats have been optimized for the maximum comfort of the average body shape. Please keep in mind that we do consider the average body shape someone with tiny T-rex arms, rubbery noodle legs, and a completely boneless torso that can fold up like an accordion.
We understand that not every guest might meet our ideal body standards. And with your comfort in mind, we have extra leg room options available for purchase at a mere $25 a centimeter.
Economy Minus now offers upgraded safety features, in that you will have to upgrade to get them. All Economy Minus seats are sans-seat belt, but we have you covered should you chose to not want to fly in a metal box 40,000 feet in the air at 1,000 mph without any safety features.
For just $25, we will provide you with a rope and tie you to the seat with a loose knot. For an extra $25, we will make it a tight knot. An additional $25 on top of that will get you an actual seat belt. And for $25 on top of the $75 you’ve given us on top of your ticket price, it’ll be a seat belt that actually buckles.
Unfortunately, we do not allow guests to bring their own seatbelt from home at…
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Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/announcing-economy-minus-the-airline-experience-which-gives-you-less-for-the-same-amount-of-money-42d737f29a6b?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4