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Sweetgreen is delicious but you can’t tell me she’s not a mean girl.
Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash
Sweetgreen — As much as I love that Kale Caesar salad, SG and I would not vibe as friends. She is LA and I am Chicago. She is wealthy and I am poor. She takes two hours to get ready for the day and I take twenty minutes. She is pretty and I am ugly. She is everything and I am nothing. Fuck you, Sweetgreen and your hot boyfriend and your Dior panties and your trip to Aspen. Nobody likes you.
Chipotle — Chipotle and I are definitely frenemies. She thinks she’s the real deal because everyone loves her but she’s basic AF. She’s friends with everyone, but when you really need a shoulder to cry on, a true ride or die best bud, she’s not your girl. Sure, she’ll party with you, but don’t go looking for her when you’re crying in the bathroom the next day — she will be not be there.
Potbelly — Potbelly and I are actual besties. She’s a super chill, down to earth, well rounded, down for a cookie and a milkshake kinda gal.
McDonald’s – McDonald’s is a freak. Partying with McDonald’s will end the night in jail, guaranteed. McDonald’s found pills on the floor of the club and is going to insist I go halfsies. McDonald’s only texts me to go out last minute or when she needs a ride to the airport. She will not text back if I initiated the conversation. She’s kind of a narcissist now that I think of it…
Chick-fil-A — I mean, she’s a conservative Trump-loving homophobe. She still has a “blue lives matter” banner across her Facebook profile pic (and yeah, she still uses Facebook). She’s always begging people to split an order of waffle fries with her but nobody ever wants to. Then she gets passive aggressive about it and complains about being hungry even though she could have just bought waffle fries for herself and nobody would have judged her. Well, nobody would have judged her for that.
Taco Bell — Taco Bell is actually kinda chill. She’s always stoned, kinda quiet, and a great listener. Always awake when I text her even if it’s 3am.
Domino’s — Domino’s is nice and all but she doesn’t shower enough and kinda smells.
Raising Cane’s — Cane’s is your best friend who moved to Louisiana and you never see her anymore. But you FaceTime all the time and whenever you visit, her dog always remembers you.
Burger King — I always invite BK to the party but she never fucking shows up. She’s never actually done anything to cause me to dislike her and yet…
White Castle — I’m worried about WC. Things are not going well for her. She’s so sad all the time.
Wendy’s — Wendy is too cool for me. She has a lot of friends, and is always doing some new project; she is super busy so I never get to see her. Strawberry frostie-pshh- give me a break, you already hit the jackpot with the original. Leave it be.
Sonic – Oh my god sonic is always lost. She says she’s around but then nobody can ever find her. We’re always looking for her, and then when we eventually do find her it’s like…why were we even wanting to hang out with her in the first place?
Popeyes — Popeyes is a jolly, fun, class clown, life of the party gal. Always singing everything, always down for a good time. Love some chillin with Popeye!
Panera — Panera is sick all the time, she’s in and out of the hospital, and it is CONCERNING. I guess an apple a day doesn’t keep the doctor away. Neither does a piece of baguette or a bag of chips.
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Jarastyle – #Quick #Service #Restaurants #Friends #People #Allison #Ristaino #Jan
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/quick-service-restaurants-i-would-not-be-friends-with-if-they-were-people-aa56b68f6baa?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4