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Where the fuck did everyone get these pink clothes??
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels
I thought seeing the Barbie movie with my girlfriends would be so fun, but everyone’s texting pictures of their all-pink outfits and now I’m having a full-on existential crisis.
Where the fuck did everyone get these pink clothes??
Am I missing something? I thought everyone agreed that this color of pink was awful. Right? Not just aesthetically terrible, but fundamentally bad, like, from a feminist perspective.
Do I not understand feminism? I didn’t think it meant Barbies, but now down is up, left is right, and all these chic bitches who only wear black or beige are texting pics of themselves wearing head-to-toe pepto-bismol and still looking hot. What the fuck?
I didn’t even like that color pink as a kid. It reminded me of steamed hot dogs, which is the grossest way to make hot dogs, and the memory of the smell still makes me gag. But I loved Barbies, so if I don’t find an outfit to wear to this movie, I’ll be betraying my inner child.
Seriously, how does everyone suddenly have pink tank tops, bike shorts, vests, visors, and even pink jeans?? The pink jeans look like hot dogs, and oop — I’m gagging again.
I need to lay down and put my feet up against the wall, because I feel like I might barf, and faint, and then have diarrhea all over the place, which wouldn’t matter, since the outfit I’m wearing isn’t acceptable to go see the Barbie movie in anyway.
Okay, deep breaths. Forget clothes. What if I went nude? Is that allowed? My Barbies were naked all the time. They were freaks. Once the clothes came off — to swim, or get weird haircuts, or scissor — they never went back on.
Gloria Steinem knows what feminism is — has she seen the Barbie movie? What did she think? Better yet, what did she wear? Could I go see the movie dressed as Gloria going to see the movie? Is that more or less derivative than dressing as a cowgirl? Too bad I don’t own pink boots. Fuck!
Can I just go as Ken?? That seems easier, although I think Ken is supposed to wear hot pepto-bismol pink too, which I just don’t have, okay!?
I could go as Corporate Barbie? Grunge Barbie? I think I have those clothes in my closet… But honestly, I’m questioning everything now, like, is it possible to have a stroke while also having a panic and heart attack?
Maybe what I’m feeling is just the deep gurgling regret about my whole stupid, not-feminist-in-the-right-way-life. Now I’m hyperventilating and crying and I’m so flushed that I look like a huge pink human hot dog, and oop — !
Whew, just dry heaves that time…But I’m still so flushed that…No way — I’m the exact right color!
I’ll just pull myself off the floor, wrap this blanket around myself and…there.
I’m Existential Crisis Barbie!
This is going to be so fun.
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Jarastyle – #Dressed #Barbie #Movie #Giving #WholeAss #Existential #Crisis #Erin #Weller #Aug
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/getting-dressed-to-see-the-barbie-movie-is-giving-me-a-whole-ass-existential-crisis-fdd8c18fcc70?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4