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Comes with young Ken co-workers with decades less experience who believe she is preventing them from getting promotions.
Photo: Erika Wittlieb|Pixabay
The Barbie Cinematic Universe is excited to announce that Barbie Ages Gracelessly, a sequel to the smash hit Barbie, will be coming to a theater near you this summer. Look for Mattel’s new Aging Barbies promotional tie in wherever Barbies are sold.
- Crow’s feet Barbie. Comes with a supply of overpriced “miracle” creams and a booklet that says “stop frowning.”
- Menopausal Barbie. Makes actual sweat for no apparent reason. Comes with Frumpy Wardrobe.*
- Gray Roots Barbie. A Reboot of Barbie with Growing Pretty Hair from the 1970s, but instead of long blond locks, Barbie’s hair comes out gray. Comes with dye in your choice of Teenaged Brown; Prepubescent Blonde and Inexperienced Red.
- Farsighted Barbie. Comes with dozens of reading glasses to place around her Dreamhouse.
- Botox Barbie. A wrinkle free Barbie. Oh. Wait.
- Invisible Barbie. Walks into a room with younger Barbies (or a bunch of Kens) and disappears.
- Primary Caregiver Barbie. Comes with Nosy Neighbor Barbie who says “He’s such a great dad” whenever Ken drops their kids off at school.
- Sandwich Generation Barbie. Manages caregiving for Ken’s aging parents as well as her own. Comes with Judgy Aunt Barbie who says “He’s such a great son” when Ken spends a weekend with his parents.
- Dating App Barbie. Is matched with men 10–20 years older than she because the men her age will only date Original Barbie.
- Shapewear Barbie. A Barbie with a tiny waist. Oh. Wait.
- Misdiagnosed Barbie. Comes with a dozen Doctor Kens to tell her that her chest pain is stress, heartburn, exaggerated and all in her head before she is finally accurately diagnosed with cardiovascular disease.
- Resentment magnet Barbie. Comes with young Ken co-workers with decades less experience who believe she is preventing them from getting promotions.
- Hormone Replacement Therapy Barbie. Has been told her menopausal hot flashes, mood swings, vaginal pain, and memory issues are “just part of growing older” because 20 years ago the Ken-dominated medical establishment mistakenly concluded HRT is bad for Barbies.
- Pay gap Barbie. Is still making 82 cents for every dollar Ken earns.
- Cat Lady Barbie. Recognizes she has become a cliché, but honestly prefers her cats to Kens.
- No More Fucks to Give Barbie. Cat Lady Barbie’s best friend. After years of indignities in Barbie World, stopped caring what anyone else thinks about her.
Accessories:
- Glass Ceiling. Will work on any Barbie office space to limit Barbie’s opportunities at any age.
- Barbie Retirement Home. Warehouses Older Barbies so Original Barbies never need to see them.
- Separate Beds. A bed for Barbie to send Ken to when he snores. It’s not like they are having sex anyway.
- *Frumpy Wardrobe. A collection of three-quarter sleeved shirts to hide crepey arms, shift dresses to hide less-than-flat bellies, and tunics to hide everything because Aging Barbie has been conditioned to hide body parts that don’t look like Original Barbie.
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Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/barbie-the-sequel-barbie-ages-gracelessly-13ed1459e096?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4