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I am humbly serving my Gaylor constituents, and I promise you this is the only thing they care about.
Photo by Raphael Lovaski on Unsplash
Today I, Tumblr user TSFearless13, am announcing my candidacy for the presidency of the United States. America has been on a steady decline over the past several years, which is why as president I aim to tackle the biggest issue facing Americans today: Is Taylor Swift gay?
I have demonstrated my fitness for the office by being one of the most reblogged Gaylor accounts and once got a Gaylor theory like from a Haim sister. I have spent years of my life dedicated to the study of Taylor Swift’s relationships, lyrics, and social media likes. Now I feel called to serve the Gaylor community by obtaining the highest office in the land.
During my 4 years in office, I promise to answer America’s biggest questions: Is she bisexual or a full on lesbian? Which of her relationships were PR stunts? Which members of her “squad” she has had sexual relationships with? Only through the answers to these questions can we become stronger as a nation.
The signs that Taylor is queer are plain for anyone to see. I mean seriously, are we supposed to think “Dress” is about a man? Taylor doesn’t use he/him/his to describe the object of her affections and writes “I don’t want you like a best friend.” Taylor might have guy friends like Jack Antonoff, but she DEFINITELY doesn’t have guy best friends. Who are we supposed to think this about? Ed Sheeran? Yeah right. This song is about Karlie Kloss. As your president I aim to bring the truth to the people so that we may heal and move forward as a great nation.
I will work on a bipartisan congressional hearing about her kissing Karlie Kloss at the 1975 concert, aka Kissgate. I will get to the truth of the matter, using my executive power to gain access to the Terminal 5 venue security footage and interview concertgoers. I will personally lead the deposition of Taylor, asking her why after the concert she went home and liked a bunch of Kaylor Tumblr posts and then why she unliked them after the Kissgate photos came out.
America needs honesty. That’s why Taylor’s so-called “relationship” with Matty Healy of the 1975 bothered me so much. To quote my running mate Gays4Gaylor, “this was just a PR stunt so that when you Google ‘Taylor Swift 1975’ Kissgate doesn’t pop up first anymore.” With my presidency, the truth of this and every relationship of hers will be revealed.
But let me be clear, I will not be a single-issue president. I will also be focusing on getting to the bottom of Swiftgron, aka Taylor’s relationship with Dianna Agron. We all know Dianna was obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. That’s why it’s so obvious that the song “Wonderland” is about her with lyrics like “fell down the rabbit hole” and “didn’t you flash your green eyes at me.” Hetlors who think this is about Harry Styles need to grow up. All of this ambiguity ends with my presidency.
Other candidates have challenged me with questions like “Why have you put forth no plans for the economy, infrastructure, or climate change?” or attacked me with statements like “You cannot base 4 years of public policy around determining if one person is queer.” To which I respond that I am humbly serving my Gaylor constituents, and I promise you this is the only thing they care about.
But seriously, I’m looking to get to the bottom of this before the Eras Tour comes to my city so that I can rock out extra hard during “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” knowing for sure that song is about Karlie.
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Jarastyle – #President #Bottom #Gaylor #Erin #Ross #Jul
Courtesy : https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/as-your-next-president-i-will-get-to-the-bottom-of-gaylor-1e5851b7fad5?source=rss—-e9e22d25fb5e—4