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You should be proud of the work you’ve done, and move on to more fulfilling ventures, like finding a husband.
Photo by Artem Podrez on Pexels
Honey! I have never been more proud of you in my life. I raised a Nobel Prize winner everyone! I do wish my baby girl put on a little more lipstick for the ceremony but, we can’t have everything can we.
I did a little internet search and you’re part of history hun. Joining the ranks of Obama, Henry Kissinger, and Antonio Egas Moniz, creator of the lobotomy. What an honor.
Have you seen my Facebook post? I used that picture of you in the sequined dress I bought that you hated. On the cruise fifteen years ago where you look completely unrecognizable compared to today. No, I know you still had braces, but, you were just so ladylike.
I was going to use the official photo you took in Sweden but sweetie, you’re slouching. Could you please at least respond to Aunt Margie’s comment, she keeps thinking it’s the Nobel Peace Prize, poor thing. I had to explain to her it’s your work on molecules that really blew that panel’s mind. Oh right, nuclear fusion! You don’t think I know my own Nobel Prize winner’s achievements? My daughter, an expert in molecular Asian fusion! Amazing.
I could also tell you did your own hair for the ceremony. Everyone could. Hon, I would have taken you to get a blow dry at Janice’s Salon if I knew you’d be wearing your hair down. Good thing they don’t hand out Nobel Hair Prizes!
Now that we’re on the topic of your appearance, I do wish you wore your hair like Dr. Mehta, the Turing Award winner, did for her ceremony. A chignon is classic. Her mother must have been so proud. Of her beauty.
Since you’ve hit this little goal, let’s move on to revamping your wardrobe. Lab coats aren’t what make your nuclears stick together, it’s your handiwork that does, my love. Try on that pleated blue number I left on your bed, the one with the silhouette that’ll make you look 90 years old. Now THAT’s professional. Oh, if you wore that to work you’d burst into flames and be burnt to a crisp? Well, sometimes fashion means taking a risk.
Anyway, you’ll never guess who’s been asking about you since the news has gotten around. Jason, from across the street! Peggy’s son! I think he’d love to take you out if you just took some time out of your busy schedule to come home and relax a little. His dietary supplements business that’s definitely not a multi-level marketing scheme has really taken off. He’s basically a chemist himself! No? Fine. What about the other nominees? The silver fox with the sexy beard was looking your way. 82?! Well, he doesn’t look a day past 65. Don’t tell your father, but I’d ride his rocket to the moon!
At this point, you must be sick of watching those glass doodads bubble over and constantly having to say “Eureka!” I mean, to be frank, the fusions have been fused. What more is needed? You should be proud of the work you’ve done, and move on to more fulfilling ventures, like finding a husband. Or selling dietary supplements. I’m sure you can get some sort of sponsorship. Maybe your face can be plastered on Soylent bottles all over the world. You love that disgusting gruel.
I’m just thinking of what Granny would say if she were still here with us. God rest her soul. Well, you know what, you’re right, she probably would say congratulations on your groundbreaking contributions to the field of chemistry. She’d probably also want to scrap the medal, crazy old bat. What the heck is green-gold anyway? I have no idea why they can’t just give you money, 10 million Swedish cronuts is way too many pastries for a single girl like yourself.
By the by, do you happen to know where the nearest IKEA is? I’ve been dying to get some of those famous meatballs since we landed. There is absolutely NOTHING more impressive than a furniture store that also sells creamy chunks of meat. Well, except for your chemical Ford fusion project hon, that’s the real winner here.
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Jarastyle – #Congratulations #Nobel #Prize #Sweetie #Stop #Slouching #Nim #Jun
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